The Psalm of the Depressed

O send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling. (Psalm 43:3)

Psalms 42 and 43 comprise a single work and it is one of the most poignant portraits of what it feels like to be depressed and still love God. There are the bittersweet memories:

I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.

The desperate sense of longing, hungering and thirsting for relief:

As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my meat day and night.

The bitterness one feels towards God at times:

I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

The sense of being overwhelmed with sorrow:

O my God, my soul is cast down within me: … all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.

The sense that all everyone is against you and mocking you (which might, actually, be true):

As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?

The whirling, repetitive intrusive self-accusations:

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me?

The crying out to God to make it better:

O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.

The bargains one makes with God:

Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy: yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God.

Placing one’s hope in God, that, in the end, all will be well.

Hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

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